a father’s love through norwegian sardines

I love these sardines in oil since the day my parents brought this 6 year-old to their friend’s gathering. My family would never buy these sort of sardines but only of the more economical regional brands in regular with tomato sauce in cylindrical cans for our meals. In my family imported Norwegian sardines were considered an extravagance at RM1.20 a pop in 1971 for the cheapest brand with what I couldn’t make out if it was a green-capped gnome, midget or dwarf sleeping under a mushroom on the label (PIXIE).

Dad would pick up a can just for me whenever he had to visit this particular supermarket (Fitzpatrike’s) situated along Jalan Raja Chulan in Kuala Lumpur for work. I didn’t have to share with my siblings because they didn’t like it and would prefer the ‘economical’ ones with tomato sauce; good riddance for that!

In retrospect, Chinese fathers hardly showed any signs of endearment, especially from my dad’s generation but these little gestures among the countless were telling signs. To me they were never tactile with affection probably in fear of breaking some kind of an invisible wall to reveal some sort of weaknesses? They showed up by being present in every challenging circumstance that life threw at us…while I occasionally gave him and my mom headaches no asprins could have elevated!

This is why every time I see a can of these Norwegian sardines, I immediately think of him. No, Dad wasn’t a sardine…I am referring to his unconditional love.

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the inevitable 180 degrees life turns you

2014 came and (good riddance) went! It was by far the most challenging year for the country beginning with the loss of a Malaysia Airline’s Boeing 777 MH 370 in March with 239 passengers and crew. The wide-bodied plane just vanished without a trace, then followed by another aviation disaster with almost a similar amount of lives perished to bookend the year. Another Malaysian Airlines Flight MH17 was shot down with a missile by Russian-controlled forces while flying over eastern Ukraine! On the political front, it was the usual turbulence; home front, mom had a nasty fall at home and broke her left femur; career-wise, the usual cocktail of frustrations especially coming from a narcissistic supervisor as well as some minor triumphant achievements. Otherwise, mmm…

Mom’s accident from the fall after missing a step while running down the stairs hugging her sewing kit in October had me moved back to care for her and Dad. She spent about 3 weeks at the hospital with me having to juggle between home and hospital making sure each was taken care of sufficiently. Shortly before her mishap, I was already feeling somewhat concerned if I was doing the right thing leaving two aged folks alone every night for the expense of my privacy/space/quietness, and that went on for the past 7-plus years. They have assured me of being fine and sworn off any domestic help after catching the last one stealing money from Dad’s wallet!

Shortly after Mom’s stint at the hospital, there were no other thoughts or needed deliberation to move back! That was the ONLY solution. At least I know for sure that there will be no anxiety thinking of them in the middle of the night now or anytime these two fail to pick up their handphones.

The engagement of a private nurse was inevitable for Mom for at least until she got better. It will be financially challenging for me but I have a demanding job or more from the ego-centric supervisor’s insecurities and I need my job to pay for the nurse’s expertise in taking care of my mom and also dad as a bonus out of the nurse’s kindness.

We all know the days of letting go of our beloved ones are a certainty (and who knows if I may even be the first to bid adios before anyone else in my family). Life, as we all know, is so uncertain, fragile, and ridiculously fleeting, therefore I prefer to savor the time that I still have with my folks. I know there will be trying times to the extreme but I also guarantee those wisdom-inducing moments that are or will be priceless.

There is also the irony of initially preparing a bedroom downstairs for my dad due to his weak knees and inevitably ended up being mom’s room after her incident (and dad got to go to another room that used to be my studio). Stuff from my own house is now gradually shifting back to my parents. So much for plans but I know my priorities and how they have changed and will keep on changing.

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back for the hundreth year – a st. michael’s institution’s centennial celebration 2012

Going back to St. Michael’s Institution after what felt like a mental hundred years in waiting was awesome when I finally found myself in actual attendance for the school’s one-hundredth-year celebration on 29 September 2012! For years I have been looking forward to this centennial event to the point of near-obsession for some reason I can’t even comprehend. Sometimes I even have some minor anxiety about what if I couldn’t make it due to some circumstances. Now, I am glad that have become a part of that historic milestone along with three thousand plus other fellow alumni, current to former staff and students.

I could still remember the terrifying moment on the first day of school like it was just yesterday. I was desperately clinging to my mother’s hand and then panicked with separation anxiety the next day after Mom had to leave me behind. It felt like Mom had abandoned me indefinitely. Admittedly during those years, going to school wasn’t exactly something that I looked forward to! I was the subject of name-calling and was bullied by certain teachers both mentally and physically. Somehow I managed to survive with the good years in-between where kind and dedicated teachers balanced out the not-so-good years. Also my gratitude to the schoolmates who chose to remain friends with me until this very day do make the whole experience an incredibly worthwhile part of my life. The school also boasts of the most majestically beautiful architecture which is a rarity in this country from that era.

The welcome banner.

With my two other old fellow Michaelians touring the school grounds. It was so hot and humid that our shirts were soaked!

The venue for the evening’s dinner.

With my Form 1 (year 7) teacher, Mr. Timothy Chee.

The evening of the celebrations.

There are some 3000+ Michaelians here!

Thank you for the memories, St. Michael’s! Here’s to another 100! Hope I can make that 🤭

My last visit to the now demolished old primary section. This was my first classroom at St. Michael’s institution. These 2 images were shot in 1993.

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