a father’s love through norwegian sardines

I love these sardines in oil since the day my parents brought this 6 year-old to their friend’s gathering. My family would never buy these sort of sardines but only of the more economical regional brands in regular with tomato sauce in cylindrical cans for our meals. In my family imported Norwegian sardines were considered an extravagance at RM1.20 a pop in 1971 for the cheapest brand with what I couldn’t make out if it was a green-capped gnome, midget or dwarf sleeping under a mushroom on the label (PIXIE).

Dad would pick up a can just for me whenever he had to visit this particular supermarket (Fitzpatrike’s) situated along Jalan Raja Chulan in Kuala Lumpur for work. I didn’t have to share with my siblings because they didn’t like it and would prefer the ‘economical’ ones with tomato sauce; good riddance for that!

In retrospect, Chinese fathers hardly showed any signs of endearment, especially from my dad’s generation but these little gestures among the countless were telling signs. To me they were never tactile with affection probably in fear of breaking some kind of an invisible wall to reveal some sort of weaknesses? They showed up by being present in every challenging circumstance that life threw at us…while I occasionally gave him and my mom headaches no asprins could have elevated!

This is why every time I see a can of these Norwegian sardines, I immediately think of him. No, Dad wasn’t a sardine…I am referring to his unconditional love.

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it almost didn’t happen

10 years is a long time and the WordPress app has evolved so much that I have to re-learn from scratch.

I came back recently intending to permanently delete this abandoned decade-old blog site but not before giving all that I have written here a final read-over. A number of those unedited postings were cringe-inducing but while I was re-reading them, I suddenly realized that I was glad that I had those moments recorded regardless of the outcome. Some also gave me momentous points to ponder on how far I have moved from then or if I have moved at all. That will be something that only I can or might derive from when I hit one of those philosophical or wisdom-seeking moments. I missed the excitement and challenges of writing for my blog even if it was for an audience of just one. Here’s to posterity and to another 100 years I guess.

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rebuilding the (im)perfect plebeian

Almost 8 months after my radical prostatectomy, 11 months after my diabetic diagnosis, 22 kg lighter, gout flare-ups, and almost 16 months after my early retirement, I am still grasping the reality of it all and how my initial plans for retirement somewhat got all dashed post-diagnosis. From here the ongoing rebuilding of myself including a strict diet that sometimes make no sense continues…amid the challenges.

In a nutshell; my diet of whatever I can eat as a diabetic is prohibited for a (prostate) cancer survivor; whatever food is ideal for the cancer survivor can be an ordeal for a person with gout issues and I already have suffered 3 debilitating inflammations with that. The first major flare-up started just 10 days after my radical prostatectomy. I found myself in a circuitous cycle so vicious from my restricted diet that the 6 to 7 months after the operation had left me so exhausted both physically and mentally. The internet also wasn’t helping much either due to the polarity of different views that didn’t leave me much with hope, regardless of them being from MDs, PhDs, or any other Ds.

The 3 dieticians of whom I have spoken to and explained my issues never called back. They totally went MIA on me.

I am now left on my own defences. Probably by instinct, common sense and mindfulness on how the body feels will be the guiding factor. Life is not just the quantity of years we have but also the quality and there is not much point to it at the absence of the latter.

Despite everything that has happened, I am not without gratitude for this second shot at life.

Starting from ground zero despite the lack of energy or strength.

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final crackling of fireworks and yusheng for the dragon year 2024

The most anticipated Chinese festival of the year has come to an end on this 15th day which is also known as “Chap Goh Mei”. A little tinge of sadness has come over me as always because I will have to wait for another 12 months before I can savor my all-time favorite Yusheng or Prosperity Toss dish again. I remember as a kid when this age-old Chinese dish was only served on the 7th day of the Chinese New Year Festival (another festival within the festival called “Yan Yat” or “The Day of Humans” also meaning the birthday of all humankind; the day where everyone celebrates their [own] birthdays). Then in the late 70s they started to make it available a week before the festival until “Yan Yat”. Now they have even extended serving it at most restaurants until this final day. I can still remember my first time having Yusheng at 8 years-old in a popular Chinese restaurant at Jalan Bukit Bintang in Kuala Lumpur. The venue is now occupied by McD since the early 80s.

Another tradition by the Malaysian Chinese originated from Penang is the practice of tossing mandarin oranges. I have heard of the earliest version of this practice where the young ladies would write their names down onto the oranges and toss them into the river. Potential suitors would be waiting down the river to collect them. I have however not heard of any married couples having met by this method (yet?).

In this day and age, who knows if a stalker or a serial killer would be the one scooping up the oranges? Or a sudden flash flood gushing the guys out into the ocean while deciphering what was written on the oranges?

No, now they will just toss the oranges into the ocean as a symbol of luck or blessing in finding a suitable suitor.

Here is to a good healthy year ahead for all.

I dare anyone? Picture credit unknown.

Our store-bought home-assembled Yusheng/Prosperity Toss on Chinese New Year’s Eve. We later removed the red, green and yellow crispies due to their intense color dyes of non-disclosed origins before tossing.

“Chap Goh Mei”, the last day of the Chinese New Year Festival – We took our pre-packed Yusheng/Prosperity Toss to the food court of a shopping mall and toss it as quiet as possible for not wanting to draw any unecessary attention. Normally the practice would be standing up and tossing the ingredients into the air while saying (loudly) auspicious wishes. It is believed that the higher the toss, the more likely the diners’ growth for wealth will manifest in the upcoming year.

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thoughts that count

It is not the value of the gift but the effort and thoughts that make it priceless. This notebook with a hand-drawn personalized cover was a gift from a dear friend and it came in with not a plastic but a paper bag, especially a brown one that gives the feel of organicness. Have you ever noticed how satisfying it is to feel the texture of a book cover, and hear the crinkling of the bag as you take the notebook out? There’s something about that physical interaction that enhances the experience, don’t you think? Yes, or does that sound like some kind of a fetish…no? Starting a project with this notebook soon with my phone camera and sticker photo paper.

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the comeback

After a long hiatus of more than 9 years, I am ready for a comeback; a personal journey to share.

I am now:

a painter;

a pescatarian

but mostly vegetarian;

still into doodles;

still eating lotsa noodles;

still into sweet and sour food;

a diabetic in an upbeat mood;

still collecting die-cast aeroplanes;

still prefers wearing plain;

still a sci-fi toy collector;

drinking coffee from a percolator

also into herbal and Chai teas;

a grand uncle to new babies;

returning to blogging;

going into vlogging;

a person of post radical prostatectomy;

officially a permanent retiree;

looking ahead taking a little a day

or most of it away…

An over thinker?

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