Archive for April, 2015

Lighthouse2014 came and (good riddance) went in a jiffy! It was by far the most difficult year for the country in this century beginning with the loss of a big jet airliner in March with 239 passengers and crew, then followed by another two with almost similar amount of people inside (with the third in December as if we needed another major aviation disaster to bookend the year)! On the political front, it was turbulent; home front, mom had a nasty fall at home and broke her left femur; career, the usual cocktail of frustrations and as well as some triumphant achievements. Otherwise, mmm…I don’t know what else to say.

The year started off with me moving back to my parents’ house after mom’s accident where she fell after missing a step while walking down the stairs last October. Even before her accident, I was already feeling a bit concerned if I was doing the right thing leaving them, two aged people alone every night for the expense of my own privacy/space/quietness for the past 7 or some years. They have assured me of being fine, and wanting to be independent but have also firmly refused incessant offers and pleas to get a live-in domestic help. My mom had sworn off maids after having caught our last maid sealing from dad’s wallet!

Shortly after mom’s discharge from the hospital, there were no other thoughts or deliberation on that decision to move back! That was the ONLY solution to a peace of (my) mind, or at least from my perspective. The transition wasn’t hard and I could also see the relief on my parents’ faces. One thing for sure is that there will be less anxiety in the middle of the night when I get this need to check on them.

With the aid of a private nurse, mom has gotten back on her feet again but for short distances. At times, she would forget that she was using a cane or walker but her share of not-so-good-days would render her wheelchair-bound. She has done six months of physiotherapy and is still going for them for as long as the doctors want her to.

We all know the days of letting go of our beloved ones are a certainty (and who knows if I may even be the first to bid adios before anyone else). Live as we all know is so uncertain, fragile and ridiculously brief, therefore I prefer to savour the time that I have with these people. I know there will be trying times to the extreme but also a guarantee of those wisdom-inducing moments that are priceless.

The irony of initially preparing a bedroom downstairs for my dad due to his weak knees ended up being mom’s room now after her accident (and dad got another room from my old studio downstairs). My things that were taken back to my house are now gradually coming back to my parents’. My initial thoughts of permanence and fondness on my own house have now gone on of being practical rather than of the emotional. There are times when priorities, along with your thoughts or feelings due to circumstance, change instantaneously, naturally.

My life is currently on caring for my parents, or just being with them. The other is on my work that has intensified (and demanding). The trimmings are on gym, music and books or the arts.

2015 is almost half-over and I am still scratching my head on what happened to the past four months that felt like just days ago when we ushered the New Year (I hit the sack early that evening). My life (style) has definitely taken a 180-degree turn from what it was, what I had expected or envisioned. It’s neither a complaint, nor a compliment but this is how unexpected life is. We just have to conform.

Finally of Sofuan, a passenger on MH370 of whom we shared the same gym for years – was a nice young man; friendly, positive and so full of life. He was supposedly posted to Beijing a few months earlier but due to circumstances his trip was postponed for at least 3 times! He finally got on board that fateful flight on 8 March 2014, but as we all know never got to his intended destination. He was supposed to be there for just 6 months.

Yes I still feel his absence, that light-up presence, his laughter, seriousness on his workout and life. It’s to the extent, surreal but this is what life throws at us every now and then.


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